I have countless stories on the way Hospice has changed my life.
by Dianne Bramer,
Hospice Volunteer for Hospice of Holland and Spectrum, Michigan
The appreciation for each person as an individual is probably one of the most transformations in my life since I started volunteering for Hospice. My whole outlook on life has drastically changed. I visited a woman on a weekly basis as I was at the Hospice House and she taught me one very important lesson on our visits. It was one of the many times she was trying to make since of her life and impending death. She would tell me the same stories she had told me week after week but this week was different… She looked me straight in the eye and said, “I don’t feel like my life is over yet it is too soon for me to die I still have too much to do.” It was one of the most eye opening experiences of my life, you see, because she was 96 years old. Time stopped in that moment for me because before that moment in my life I would have thought in my head, your old it really is time for you to die. Now, I think differently. I think of her often and how she touched my life and changed me as a person. I appreciate all ages now. It was one of those Hospice moments...
Another amazing story; I went into a room and the lady was very agitated so I sat down next to her and gently took her hand. She wanted to tell me something but it was obvious she was unable to speak but she kept trying. I stood up and looked her in the eyes and ran my hand over her hair and apologized for not being able to understand what she was trying to tell me and she settled down and fell asleep. I sat back down still holding her hand and just sat there in the quiet for a while looking at her and wondering about her life. One of the nurses came in and I told her about the patient being agitated the nurse explained that there was always someone with her and this day had been the first day no one had been there and it was upsetting to her. I was touched that this person I had never met in my life, this person who had never met me, chose me to be the one to sit with her in what were obviously her last hours of life. The faith we put into other people, total strangers, when we are at that point in our life is something we probably won’t understand until we are in that position. It makes me wonder why we shelter ourselves from relationships like that when we are healthy. It is almost like we can’t get “to close” for some fear of being hurt. I don’t know but it is just another one of those Hospice moments that have changed my life. It is always amazing to me when a family member changes me more than a patient. I have had this happen with a few family members. It is so hard to see the pain in the eyes of the family. The genuine hurt of knowing they have to let go and trying to accept that the person they love dearly is going to be dying soon but not wanting to let go. The pain I have seen in a few of these family members who have let me into that special
place in their heart and shared some intimate details about their loved one is something I will treasure forever. I will never forget their eyes and I will never forget how our hearts were joined together to honor the special person in their life. What a humbling Hospice moment.
There was the patient who showed so much courage. Cancer had touched her life for many years; her answer to dying? “It’s something we all have to do so why fight it?” her exact words. She was kind, funny, intelligent, and seemed to be happy. I don’t know if it was a denial thing or if she truly felt the way she spoke. I am so happy I was chosen to be able to spend some special Hospice moments with her. Her confidence will stay with me until the day I die. *I walked into a room to empty the trash in a room and a frail woman grabbed my hand and squeezed it not letting up on her grip the whole time.; Another very intimate moment for me. She began telling me about her husband and how she lost him many years ago and how hard it had been for her. I could see in her eyes as we stared at each other, still holding hands, that she was ready to go see him. Maybe I am wrong to assume that but it is amazing how when two hearts meet you can almost feel what the other wants to say without them even saying it. I hope she could feel my genuine compassion for her and that I understood the love she had for a man I hoped she would soon be with. I went home with a greater appreciation for the man I love. I try not to take him for granted as much as I use to. I treasure special moments as I always did but now I feel I have much more of my heart involved in all our special moment. What a great Hospice moment!!
My favorite moments are when I go in to see a patient and they grab my hand and ours eyes lock in a gaze that can only be shared by two people at that special moment in time. It is so hard to explain but I can just feel my heart connect with theirs. I always think about the life they lived and about their story. People are amazing and there are so many amazing life stories I have heard through Hospice patients.
Crocodile Tears; what does that mean? Well, to me it means a life story of an amazing man.; a man who had a hard childhood and also lived as a homeless man; his choice according to him. No one forced him to be homeless. He chose to be homeless. The stories this man told me were incredible. As we sat there looking at each other he would tell me one life story and giant crocodile tears rolled out of one eye. He would let them fall and ever so gently wipe them away. Then he would go onto another story about his life and another set of those giant crocodile tears would fall from the corner of the other eye. Once again he would let them fall and ever so gently wipe them away. It was one of the most heartwarming moments of my life. As I write this I have those same tears rolling down my face. It is so hard to watch and listen to people try to make sense of what is happening to them. I will keep the picture of this man in my memory files for the rest of my life. To see a man, broken to that point just breaks my heart. A Hospice Moment I will never let go of. Many times there are the not so great Hospice Moments. I can remember one time I went into a patient’s room and he started to talk to me and man he really wanted to talk. Just when he really started letting out all of his frustrations a visitor came into the room. I could see in this patient’s eye that he really was not in the mood for this visit. The visitor came in and began telling jokes and the patient really needed to process all that was happening to him. I could see he was not in the mood for jokes. I told him goodbye and left him with his visitor. I was so sad when I had to leave and I could see the patient was sad about it also. I hoped after I left that he got the chance to talk to someone else so he could process all that was going on. It is so hard to watch the outside world not understand what is happening to these dying patients. Those are hard Hospice Moments for me. I feel like I am looking through life from totally different glasses than
most people since I starting volunteering for Hospice.
Then there are the patients God puts in your life and you just know He put them there for a reason. I have one such patient I will never forget. Her illness was very rare but she taught me so much. Listening to her helped me so much. She died very suddenly. Doing fine one week and then the next week I went and she was gone. I felt like I got hit by a truck when I was told she died that morning. I had a hard time volunteering that day because I was looking so forward to her inspiration. I was so hoping I was going to have more intimate moments with her and wanted to tell her once again how she affected my life. I know as volunteers we are not suppose to make relationships personal with our patients but there are just times that is not possible. I did tell her many times how much she affected my life and I would never forget her. The funny part she thought she was just an ordinary person doing God’s work, her words. She was and she did and I will remember her every day for the rest of my life! You see I have the same illness she suffered from. Her face is one face I see every day and I thank God for sending her into my life at just the right time. She never knew, I never told her, I was suffering from the same illness which is probably a good thing because it would have really affected her. What a wonderful lady!! Sometimes I wonder if I began Hospice just because God wanted me to spend all those weeks with her to prepare me for all that I have to go through. I don’t know but I am so thankful for her!
I now make it a point to appreciate so much more in my life and in the people I share my daily living. I thank more people when they do nice things for me even total strangers. What I have learned is we have one opportunity to live our lives and we need to do it the best we can. Being a Hospice volunteer has changed me and changed my life and I am so thankful for such a wonderful organization and proud to be a part of it all!!
So why is Hospice care so important?
Ø It approaches the patient as a person not a disease.
Ø It gives people dignity and respect through the dying process.
Ø It offers care for the whole person and supports the family.
Ø It promotes the concept of ‘living until you die’.
Ø It offers people the opportunity to have quality living rather than painful dying.
Volunteers are an essential part of the hospice interdisciplinary team. They are the individuals who volunteer to make a difference in the lives of the dying. They help to shape lives and they join the journeys of the living as they approach death.
If you are a caring, compassionate individual and would like to consider becoming a hospice volunteer, please call Karen Robinson, Medi Hospice Volunteer Coordinator at 540-361-7696 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 540-361-7696 end_of_the_skype_highlighting for more information.
