Medi Hospice Fredericksburg & Northern Virginia Blog is designed to educate and inform the public about hospice options and services. Our Hospice serves the many cities and counties within the State of Virginia.

This Blog is dedicated to our wonderful hospice volunteers who contribute countless hours for free to make a difference in the lives of terminally ill patients.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Becoming a Hospice Volunteer has Changed My Life!

I have countless stories on the way Hospice has changed my life.

 by Dianne Bramer, 

Hospice Volunteer for Hospice of Holland and Spectrum,  Michigan 
   
  The appreciation for each person as an individual is probably one of the most transformations in my life since I started volunteering for Hospice. My whole outlook on life has drastically changed.  I visited a woman on a weekly basis as I was at the Hospice House and she taught me one very important lesson on our visits. It was one of the many times she was trying to make since of her life and impending death. She would tell me the same stories she had told me week after week but this week was different… She looked me straight in the eye and said, “I don’t feel like my life is over yet it is too soon for me to die I still have too much to do.” It was one of the most eye opening experiences of my life, you see, because she was 96 years old. Time stopped in that moment for me because before that moment in my life I would have thought in my head, your old it really is time for you to die. Now, I think differently. I think of her often and how she touched my life and changed me as a person. I appreciate all ages now.  It was one of those Hospice moments...


Another amazing story; I went into a room and the lady was very agitated so I sat down next to her and gently took her hand. She wanted to tell me something but it was obvious she was unable to speak but she kept trying. I stood up and looked her in the eyes and ran my hand over her hair and apologized for not being able to understand what she was trying to tell me and she settled down and fell asleep. I sat back down still holding her hand and just sat there in the quiet for a while looking at her and wondering about her life. One of the nurses came in and I told her about the patient being agitated  the nurse explained that there was always someone with her and this day had been the first day no one had been there and it was upsetting to her. I was touched that this person I had never met in my life, this person who had never met me, chose me to be the one to sit with her in what were obviously her last hours of life. The faith we put into other people, total strangers, when we are at that point in our life is something we probably won’t understand until we are in that position. It makes me wonder why we shelter ourselves from relationships like that when we are healthy. It is almost like we can’t get “to close” for some fear of being hurt. I don’t know but it is just another one of those Hospice moments that have changed my life. It is always amazing to me when a family member changes me more than a patient. I have had this happen with a few family members. It is so hard to see the pain in the eyes of the family. The genuine hurt of knowing they have to let go and trying to accept that the person they love dearly is going to be dying soon but not wanting to let go. The pain I have seen in a few of these family members who have let me into that special 

place in their heart and shared some intimate details about their loved one is something I will treasure forever. I will never forget their eyes and I will never forget how our hearts were joined together to honor the special person in their life. What a humbling Hospice moment.

There was the patient who showed so much courage. Cancer had touched her life for many years; her answer to dying? “It’s something we all have to do so why fight it?” her exact words. She was kind, funny, intelligent, and seemed to be happy. I don’t know if it was a denial thing or if she truly felt the way she spoke. I am so happy I was chosen to be able to spend some special Hospice moments with her. Her confidence will stay with me until the day I die. *I walked into a room to empty the trash in a room and a frail woman grabbed my hand and squeezed it not letting up on her grip the whole time.; Another very intimate moment for me. She began telling me about her husband and how she lost him many years ago and how hard it had been for her. I could see in her eyes as we stared at each other, still holding hands, that she was ready to go see him. Maybe I am wrong to assume that but it is amazing how when two hearts meet you can almost feel what the other wants to say without them even saying it. I hope she could feel my genuine compassion for her and that I understood the love she had for a man I hoped she would soon be with. I went home with a greater appreciation for the man I love. I try not to take him for granted as much as I use to. I treasure special moments as I always did but now I feel I have much more of my heart involved in all our special moment. What a great Hospice moment!!

My favorite moments are when I go in to see a patient and they grab my hand and ours eyes lock in a gaze that can only be shared by two people at that special moment in time. It is so hard to explain but I can just feel my heart connect with theirs. I always think about the life they lived and about their story. People are amazing and there are so many amazing life stories I have heard through Hospice patients.

Crocodile Tears; what does that mean?  Well, to me it means a life story of an amazing man.; a man who had a hard childhood and also lived as a homeless man; his choice according to him. No one forced him to be homeless. He chose to be homeless. The stories this man told me were incredible. As we sat there looking at each other he would tell me one life story and giant crocodile tears rolled out of one eye. He would let them fall and ever so gently wipe them away. Then he would go onto another story about his life and another set of those giant crocodile tears would fall from the corner of the other eye. Once again he would let them fall and ever so gently wipe them away. It was one of the most heartwarming moments of my life. As I write this I have those same tears rolling down my face. It is so hard to watch and listen to people try to make sense of what is happening to them. I will keep the picture of this man in my memory files for the rest of my life. To see a man, broken to that point just breaks my heart. A Hospice Moment I will never let go of.      

Many times there are the not so great Hospice Moments. I can remember one time I went into a patient’s room and he started to talk to me and man he really wanted to talk. Just when he really started letting out all of his frustrations a visitor came into the room. I could see in this patient’s eye that he really was not in the mood for this visit. The visitor came in and began telling jokes and the patient really needed to process all that was happening to him. I could see he was not in the mood for jokes. I told him goodbye and left him with his visitor. I was so sad when I had to leave and I could see the patient was sad about it also. I hoped after I left that he got the chance to talk to someone else so he could process all that was going on. It is so hard to watch the outside world not understand what is happening to these dying patients. Those are hard Hospice Moments for me. I feel like I am looking through life from totally different glasses than 
most people since I starting volunteering for Hospice. 

Then there are the patients God puts in your life and you just know He put them there for a reason. I have one such patient I will never forget. Her illness was very rare but she taught me so much. Listening to her helped me so much. She died very suddenly. Doing fine one week and then the next week I went and she was gone. I felt like I got hit by a truck when I was told she died that morning. I had a hard time volunteering that day because I was looking so forward to her inspiration. I was so hoping I was going to have more intimate moments with her and wanted to tell her once again how she affected my life. I know as volunteers we are not suppose to make relationships personal with our patients but there are just times that is not possible. I did tell her many times how much she affected my life and I would never forget her. The funny part she thought she was just an ordinary person doing God’s work, her words. She was and she did and I will remember her every day for the rest of my life! You see I have the same illness she suffered from. Her face is one face I see every day and I thank God for sending her into my life at just the right time. She never knew, I never told her, I was suffering from the same illness which is probably a good thing because it would have really affected her. What a wonderful lady!! Sometimes I wonder if I began Hospice just because God wanted me to spend all those weeks with her to prepare me for all that I have to go through. I don’t know but I am so thankful for her! 

 I now make it a point to appreciate so much more in my life and in the people I share my daily living. I thank more people when they do nice things for me even total strangers. What I have learned is we have one opportunity to live our lives and we need to do it the best we can. Being a Hospice volunteer has changed me and changed my life and I am so thankful for such a wonderful organization and proud to be a part of it all!!


So why is Hospice care so important?

Ø It approaches the patient as a person not a disease.
Ø It gives people dignity and respect through the dying process.
Ø It offers care for the whole person and supports the family.
Ø It promotes the concept of ‘living until you die’.
Ø It offers people the opportunity to have quality living rather than painful dying.



Volunteers are an essential part of the hospice interdisciplinary team. They are the individuals who volunteer to make a difference in the lives of the dying. They help to shape lives and they join the journeys of the living as they approach death.
If you are a caring, compassionate individual and would like to consider becoming a hospice volunteer, please call Karen Robinson, Medi Hospice Volunteer Coordinator at 540-361-7696 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            540-361-7696      end_of_the_skype_highlighting for more information.





Thursday, October 13, 2011

Every moment is precious when death is near...



As I pondered the topic for today's Blog I pursued the idea of discussing boundaries in our volunteer patient relationships. After researching and almost completing my preparation I was sidetracked. I learned of the grave condition of a beloved 10 year old pet and I began to reflect on my family's life over the last 10 years and how this gentle dog has enriched and enhanced our family life experiences. He has been a comfort during times of great loss and sadness. He has made us laugh with his silly antics playing with our cats! He welcomed the friendship of an iguana and even allowed him to hang out on his head!

Dunamis with Shawny the pet iguana!



I began to consider how intrinsically connected our loved ones - may they be person or pet - are to us. I see the importance and value of personal reflection and how empowering it is to share with others our love stories...


A quick search with Google turned up a most interesting website and today's Blog is dedicated to promoting:

                                                              Hospice Journey
Celebrate your life and share your journey through your own personal website
     



About Hospice Journey

Hospice Journey provides free personal websites for people facing terminal illness. Hospice Journey is offered by The Samvara Project, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, in collaboration with hospice organizations throughout the United States.
The dying process is, for many people, the most profound and powerful time of their lives. Hospice Journey websites help people to reflect on their lives, feel the love and support of their family and friends, and express what matters most.
The Inspiration for Hospice Journey
Much of the inspiration for Hospice Journey comes from the experiences that one of Hospice Journey's founders, Marina, shared with her mom, Isabella, during the last months of Isabella's life. Isabella died from cancer in 2007 with support from a hospice in San Francisco.
Marina remembers the experience as the most important time that she ever spent with her mom. Isabella's final months were hard, but they were also the most "heart-opening" time, in Marina's words.

Expressing what matters most

One day, with a spark of inspiration, Marina sat down next to her mom's bed and asked, "Mom, tell me about the people you love." Theirs was a family which had never talked about love directly, so for them, it was a really big question for Marina to ask. Marina thought her mom might talk about her husband or the close friends she had, but instead Isabella took that opportunity to tell Marina how much she loved her, that she cherished memories of Marina's childhood, how sorry she was for the misunderstandings and tough times they had, and how deeply grateful she was that Marina had moved into her house to take care of her in those final months. In turn, Marina told her mom that she loved her, that all past arguments and hurt feelings were forgiven, and how much it meant to her to be the one to journey with Isabella at the end of her life.
It is in honor of that moment that every Hospice Journey website has a Reflections section with questions to spark conversations about what matters most.

Updating and coordinating friends and family

Isabella had a large community of friends and family members, some living in various cities around the world, who would call to find out how she was. Isabella was too exhausted from her illness to talk on the phone very much, and Marina was too busy caring for Isabella to return dozens of calls, even though she wanted to let people know what was happening and knew that it was important for Isabella and her friends to share memories and to say good-bye.
Hospice Journey websites make it easy to update everyone with the latest news and for friends and family to leave messages that can be read and savored again and again as a source of support and love. The websites also include a Lend a Hand page where friends and family can learn what help the family needs.

Disarming the fear and awkwardness around death

Before Marina took care of her mom, she didn't know very much about death, was afraid of it, and felt uncomfortable even talking about it - as many people do. With the help of hospice staff and friends who had been caregivers, Marina learned how to be fully present for her mom. By journeying with her mom, Marina faced her fears and supported her mom in a deep and compassionate way.
Hospice Journey websites provide a Resources section with websites and books which directly address the fear and awkwardness surrounding death, helping those who are dying and their friends and family to become more aware, less afraid, and able to make their time together heart-opening and profound.
See these Resources

Created with respect and love

Marina is a software engineer. In the years following Isabella's death, Marina shared her memories of caring for her mom with friends who are also software engineers. Together these friends decided to create personal, private websites as a useful resource for families facing the end of life, designed in a way that would have been helpful to Marina and Isabella.
Our intention for offering Hospice Journey websites is to help people to live well as they are dying, surrounded by the love and support of their family and friends, expressing what matters most and nurturing a sense of well-being and peace.

Your website will include the following features:

Updates

Use Updates to keep your family and friends informed about what's happening. You can post new updates as often as you would like to - every few days or even multiple times per day, at any hour. Your update message will be automatically emailed to each person you add to the Guest List for your website.

Guest Book

The Guest Book is where your friends and family send you their love and support, and share their favorite stories and memories.
Update your family and friends

Lend a Hand

Facing the end of life is an enormous challenge both for the person with the illness and for caregivers. Your friends and family want to support you. Let people know how they can help on the Lend a Hand page of your website.
Gain support from family and friends

Photos

Your website will include a photo album where you and your friends and family can upload favorite photos of important times in your life. This collection of photos is a beautiful way to celebrate and reflect on your life.
Upload your favorite photos

Reflections

The Reflections section is designed to help you reflect on your life and share what's important to you. Reflecting on your life together with the people you love is a wonderful way to spend time together, and often sparks meaningful conversations.
The Life Story page will help you to tell your story. Big Picture Questions offers a variety of topics that can be useful to contemplate and discuss with loved ones. Favorites lets you document the things in life that bring you the most joy. Forgiveness, Love and Gratitude will help you to say what you want to say to the people who matter to you.
Reflect on your loved one's life

Privacy

By default, your website will be private and available only to the people whom you share it with. Invite friends and family to your website by adding their email addresses to the Guest List.
If you choose, you can change the privacy level of your website from "Private" to "Open" to enable anyone who knows the exact web address of your website to see and use it.
Share your website with your friends and family

Is Hospice Journey really free to use?

Yes, it is completely free. It is provided by a non-profit organization dedicated to serving families facing serious illness. There is no charge to use a Hospice Journey website, and there will never be any advertising. The websites are intended to be a beautiful place for you to come together with your family and friends to support one another and to reflect on what matters most.
We think this is a really wonderful way to use the Internet to provide comfort and support at the end of life.
– National Hospice Foundation
Hospice Journey is a fantastic free resource that does so much to support our patients, their families and our agency.
– Teri Collet, ACSW, LCSW, ACHP-SW, Director of Social Services at Community Hospice, Inc.


 Flowers

How can Hospice Journey help your hospice?
Our mission is to support the hospice movement in enabling people to live fully as they are dying, in dignity and comfort and surrounded by the people they love.

Bringing families and friends together

Hospice Journey's Updates and Guest Book messages keep people connected. The Reflections section offers questions that facilitate important conversations and guide people to think deeply about their lives. The Lend a Hand section provides practical suggestions on how to help patients and their caregivers. Learn more

Fundraising for hospice organizations

Each Hospice Journey website includes a "Support Hospice" section where a patient's family and friends may make donations to hospice in honor of their loved one. It's a gracious way to ask for financial support during the time of care, and family and friends appreciate the opportunity to contribute.

Raising awareness about hospice services

Every Hospice Journey website is a natural form of outreach to the community. As extended family and friends share a loved one's journey, they hear about the wonderful care provided by the hospice team and develop a sense of the true spirit of hospice. In addition, the Resources section on each website includes a carefully selected list of topics and helpful material about hospice and death and dying.

Let's get started!

If you are a hospice staff member interested in learning more about Hospice Journey, we'd love to speak with you. Please email us at info@hospicejourney.org or call us at(877) 365-5533 to start the conversation.
If you're ready to work with us, please sign up here. You are also welcomeencourage your patients and families to make their own free website by adding a link to Hospice Journey on your organization's website.
"Thank you for creating this website. What gets me out of bed in the morning is the desire to check for updates. It's a wonderful gift you have provided me."
— Dave W.
"My dad's Hospice Journey website has lifted his spirits 100%. Thank you!"
— Aimee B.
"My grandma loves doing the reflections, and the questions are prompting her to share stories with the family that we've never heard before."
— Michelle R.

The Hospice Journey Team

Hospice Journey was created by a team of friends donating their time and expertise in software engineering and testing, graphic design, and non-profit operations to be of service to dying people and their communities of family and friends, and to hospice organizations. The members of our team bring a depth of experience to the project from their work for software start-ups as well as some of Silicon Valley's leading companies, including Google, Dell, eBay, Citrix, and Apple.
Many people on our team have had family members and friends who were cared for by hospice. We're united by our shared awareness that facing death is a profound opportunity to learn to live and love more fully, and by our deep respect for hospice for helping people to live their final months and days with comprehensive, compassionate support and expert care.

Leadership

Our Executive Director, Vanessa Callison-Burch, became a Family Support Volunteer for the Hospice of Amador and Calaveras when she was 15. Her life has been deeply influenced by the patients, families and hospice staff she has been honored to know. Vanessa has worked in a variety of capacities on web technology projects for organizations ranging from software start-ups to major financial institutions. She is very happy to be putting her web technology experience and leadership skills to great use to serve hospice patients and hospice programs.
Our CTO, Luisa Magarian, brings extensive product design and development experience to the project. Luisa considers it an honor to be able to offer support to families through architecting and developing the web application that creates Hospice Journey sites.
Our Director of Engineering, Marina Esterlis, is an outstanding engineer who loves mentoring developers and bringing products to the world. Marina's life was touched by hospice in 2007, when she cared for her mom with the help of a hospice in San Francisco. You can read more about Marina and her mom's experience on our About Us page.

Special Thanks

The Hospice Journey team is grateful to numerous wonderful individuals — nurses, social workers, chaplains, directors, administrators, and more — from the following organizations who have reviewed Hospice Journey and offered insights and great ideas for how we can best serve hospice families.

Contacting Hospice Journey

If you need help with your personal website, we want to hear from you. We also appreciate hearing what you like about Hospice Journey and what we could do to improve it. We are continuously working to improve Hospice Journey based on people's suggestions.

(877) 365-5533
20660 Stevens Creek Blvd #320
Cupertino, CA 95014
- or -

If you would like to find out more about Hospice
 Journey check it out on the web @
www.hospicejourney.org



As for my beloved pet Dunamis, he is soon to be resting in peace with our other pets. He is deeply loved and will be deeply missed.